I never thought this day would end

#965 - Close To Me :: The Cure

“I make the shapes come much too close,
I pull my eyes out,
hold my breath,
and wait until I shake.”

I think it was my friend Mike who once proclaimed that it was not a mix tape that I made if it didn’t have at least one song from The Cure on it. And, for a very long time, I’m pretty sure he was spot on with that.

I loved The Cure.

I still love The Cure.

Lyrically, musically and something more about their music has always just gotten to me, sunk in deep, and become part of my inner soundtrack. Their songs, they have memory imprints of parts of me weaved into them, and sometimes I can almost see/hear/touch/smell the time and place of my life the song brings up.

Like this one: I see my old red Honda hatchback. I can smell Marlboro lights and Poison perfume, and Studio One hairspray. I can see Sunset and Highland, or Gower, or the end of Willougby, near where that school was (maybe still is). I can feel crushed velvet and lace against my skin, long boots that curved over my knees, and the tight-skinned feel of all that make-up I used to wear. I see the vinyl booths with rips in spots, colored that horrid beige/orange mix that screamed “we’ve been around since the ‘70’s”, and that matched the waitress’ smocks - late night coffee, fried things, salad with too much dressing - and all that middle of the night conversation.

It reminds me of waiting by the phone until it was time to go out again, back when phones had call waiting and answering machine tapes, and were left behind when you walked out the door. Boys with eyeliner and long, gangly legs, who sometimes kissed just to say hello.

“I’ve waited hours for this…”

Put 'em on me

#966 - I Want Your (Hands On Me) :: Sinead O’Connor and MC Lyte

“I want you call me to you,
I wanna move, will you?
I really wanna feel you.”

Late nights, back alleys, unidentified side streets and non-marked buildings, the smell of clove cigarettes, kohl eyeliner, black stockings and all that music. This song reminds me of clubs in Hollywood in the very late ‘80’s, and dancing.

Lots of dancing.

There are other memories attached to this song, and that time; other feelings, reminders, faces. But, listening to it today, dancing is what I remember the most.

Rock on gold dust woman

#967 - Gold Dust Woman :: Fleetwood Mac

"Do you know how to pick up the pieces,
and go home?"

Rumours was one of those albums that I remember hearing in my house as a child. I think it was one of my Mom's favorites for a while, and it became one of mine, as well. It is still one of my favorite albums of all-time, one that I can listen to from start to finish, side one to side two, and completely enjoy.

This song, though, always stood out to me.

It is one of those powerful songs that I like to throw on when I'm feeling weak, or heartbroken, turn up as loud as my speakers (and ears) can stand, and sing-a-long. The lyrics, and the feel of the song, feels like strength, survival and freedom to me - and I think that is why it is one of my "turn to when I need strength" songs.

Especially the line I quoted above.

Stevie Nicks is one of my musical heroes, which perhaps I'll one day craft a list about - her voice, her style, her lyrics, the way she has survived, and evolved.

I also love Hole's cover of this song.

And now our laughter just goes on and on

#968 - Lay Your Hands On Me :: Thompson Twins

"But I have never felt the grace,
that I have felt in your embrace."

Back in 1985, when this song came out, I thought it a near perfect love song. I'd listen to it and imagine a fictional love affair, often sketched with a co-star/lover who was a recent crush, either from my everyday life, or torn from a page of a magazine. I always thought this sounds like love, especially the above quoted lyrics.

Then I think I forgot this song. I have the album in a crate, stored away at my Mom's house - with no turntable its hard to bring them back into my house. All those albums just waiting to be played again. Someday, I promise.

Recently, prior to constructing this personal favorite list, I heard this song again. There is this radio station that plays nothing but 80's alternative music, and this was part of their rotation. I still knew (know) all the words, and I drove on to work, turning it up, and singing along.

And I realized, I have that kind of love, and I felt pretty damn lucky.

Sing to me

#969 - Sing :: Blur

“I can’t feel,
‘cause I’m numb.”

We all have coping skills, and default reactions, that have been developed over the years and become part of our particular make-up. Most of these evolve over time, honed due to circumstances, survival instincts, and the lifestyle(s) we’ve lived/lived through/live in. Some of thes are positive skills, and some of them, well, they are more akin to the baggage we carry our issues, fears and heartbreak around in.

I’ve created some positive ones in my life, I do know that, but my default - and not a shiny default - is to go numb.

Its as if my whole being goes into shut-down mode, gathering up all resources and holding them close inside, leaving me a shell that I suppose cannot be hurt (or fools itself into thinking it can’t be hurt). Once in that numb state, though, it is very difficult to pull out of so I tend to self-battle to not fall into that default place. Sometimes I can stop it.

Music,in all its incarnations, and often singing, often helps me in this (and in so many other things). One of the many reasons music has been, and will always be, so important to me.